FIRST LOVE (episode 17)

I repeated the words contained in the text as many times as possible as if to be sure I truly understood its contents. I must have stood for over 10 minutes trying to decipher the contents of the message, for it was only when I turned around that I got to know that all my roommates were back and in the room and one of them was talking to me. I didn’t bother replying them, in a flash, I disappeared out of the room to Mt’s room, whatever made me did that was and is beyond me even till this moment. I was literally jumping the stairs due to the fact that, the joy in me didn’t permit me to run. I continued my high jump when I got to Mt’s block, I must have been on the 2nd floor when I tried to jump, one too many. I jumped probably farther than the stairs, I was probably heading for the sky, unknown to me that there were so many hurdles above, I hit my head on decking above the stairs, and I found myself back on the ground. I was trying to rise to my feet, when a sudden darkness came over me….

‘I’ll always be there for u, I love u, gudnyt’ I was repeating those words when I opened my eyes and found myself on my bed. I sat up and found Mt, Ykay and Id in the room ‘wetin carry una come here?’ I asked but got no reply. I searched for my phone but couldn’t find it, I asked who took my phone, yet my friends remained dumb. It became clear to me that something was wrong, ‘make una talk na’ I was becoming worried. Ykay broke the silence as he went on to narrate how some students walking down the stairs had found me laying unconscious on the stair case, how they rushed me outside the block and poured water on me before I opened my eyes, he went further to narrate how he and Mt had joined the crowd and found out I was the one, they brought me back to the hostel and stripped off my clothes leaving only my boxers.

‘guy u dey mad o’ Mt interrupted Ykay obviously angry, ‘y u wan kill yourself because of one girl?’
‘abeg u cook?’ I asked him trying to change the topic even though I was truly hungry as my stomach had only water since morning.
‘loverboy take ur phone, so hungry dey worry u now, when u don almost kill ursef, make we go my room go chop’
‘na u sure pass’I said rising up to my feet.
Id who had been silent all through the discussion, as we were walking out to Mt’s room, he broke his own silence in the following words;
‘if u kill yourself because of one woman, thousands go waka spit on top ur grave’.

After eating, i got back to my room and resumed my madness. the text message was still having its effect on me. I dialed Funke's number but it didn't go through. As such i set out to write her a poem :MY MADNESS FOR YOU ', for despite what happened to me on that night. it was obvious the fire of love burning in me was inextinguishable no matter the flood...for it was an immortal one ...

MY MADNESS FOR YOU.
Tears beneath my eyes
Only u can make them flow
In my heart so many sighs
As much as u wish to know
Some say I’m infected
Perhaps I’m under a spell
Others say my brain cells are dead
And burning in hell.
Oh lord I pray everyday
If what I feel for u is d meaning of madness
May the scientists never find a cure I pray
For as long as its my happiness
Your love stupors me into intoxication.
Although never did I taste champagne
For this infection u are d only injection
For at ur every thought I go insane.


I sent the poem to her through text message; although I had initially planned to recite it to her but her number didn’t go through and I was low an airtime as well. I reminisced the events of the day, a part of me told me something was wrong somewhere beyond my knowledge. The other part of me which was more aggressive in its argument posited I was fine and reminded that if love is not madness, it is not love at all.
I was still trying to give a verdict on the arguments of the two inner speakers when nature passed its own verdict and sentenced me to dreamland.

I was woken up the next morning by deafening voices of jubilant students. The only reasonable words I could decipher from their voices were ‘we must go’. I was curious about where they wanted to go so badly as to wake others from their sleep. I rose from my bed to discover it wasn’t early after all. But then I wondered why Mt didn’t come over to wake me up for lectures. In my curiousity I ran downstairs to inquire the reason for the jubilations, and all I got as a reply was ‘ASUU STRIKE’
It was at that point in time it dawned on me that the rumour which had been circulating among students for week has finally come to pass. I rushed to Mt’s room, where I found him among many other students who were in the room playing video games- their own way of celebrating the industrial action. I inquired no further about the news but joined them in the celebration, although I may not pass for a totally unserious student, but the happiness which the news brought to my heart was inestimable. This was probably due to ‘brokedom’ and hunger!!!



That morning I received a call from my mum and she complained about me not calling her. Since my dad had set a rule that I mustn’t lay any complain about my finance or whatsoever at school to my mum, I limited my contact with her in order not to invoke the wrath of a soldier man. But that morning I broke the rule, I told her of my hand to mouth situation at school, which made me unable to afford card and in extension, my inability to call her. I clearly omitted the ASUU STRIKE development during my conversation with her for reasons best known to me.


The by-product our conversation that morning was a voice filled with worry due to my complaints. I was happy, not because my sweet mother was worried, but I knew her worry would produce something positive. My anticipation wasn’t in vain unlike the labour of our 'heroes past' that is now in vain. About an hour later when the message tone of my phone rang, I didn’t bother to check the message. In its stead, I raced majestically to the ATM arena just opposite my faculty to see what sweet mother had for me. 3000 naira wasn’t bad after all for a housewife who survived on monthly ‘soup money’.

I withdrew 2k out of the 3k and recharged my line with the remaining 1k. I called my mum to appreciate her message whereupon she asked me to keep it from my dad ‘as usual’. When I got to my room, I met my roommates packing their belongings in preparation for the ‘vacation’, and within 30 minutes, I was the only one left in the room. This afforded me the freedom to call my darling Funke right there in the room unlike when I had to go creep to the bush or sports centre to make calls.
By noon on after eating and taking my bath, I retired to my bed and the call began. She received my call at the other end of the phone with a harsh voice of ‘is this when you are supposed to call’ and as usual I went on my knees, no thanks to the absence of my roommates, and pleaded her pardon as I responded to her query. I acknowledged her message which I got the previous day; I playfully asked whether she truly meant the contents of her message whereupon she replied ‘I don’t know’.

Her reply somewhat hurt me, but I skillfully covered my change of emotion and diverted the topic to the poem I sent her. She requested I recite it to her hearing and much to my delight. I activated my sweet voice and acceded to her request (I have a fairly good voice o). She kept repeating ‘hmmn’ all through the recitation, and at the end I got an ‘okay’ in place of ‘thank you sweetheart’ which I was expecting. Nevertheless I took solace in the fact that I was happy just hearing her voice, be it insult or indifference.
The call went on and on for over an hour touching different topics. What was there to bother about airtime when the heart was joyful? At a point in time she asked why I despised eating noodles and, I told her it I had never eaten it all my life and didn’t plan to in the farthest future.
‘Will u do me a favour’ she asked
‘Anything for you dearest’ I replied in anxiety.
‘Okay, thank you. I want u to go and cook indomie now and eat it, call me when you are through bye’
‘But u know that’s not possible’ I said in protest.
‘Remember u promised to do anything for ur love'

FIRST LOVE (episode 16)

I was woken up by the excessive laughter ringing in my sleep; I opened my eyes to see Mt and Ykay mocking me with all seriousness. It was glaring that I only slept due to hunger, for the Wasak they knew never slept during daytime. I quickly rearranged myself and prepared for the next lecture which was to hold in the new campus. Despite the mockery from my friends, I considered it a blessing in disguise because I was broke and couldn’t afford transport fare; they therefore had no choice than to raise me.

By the time we got to the new site, the lecture hall was filled beyond capacity as usual; we rushed to the back of the lecture hall and stood with our fellow late comers. Although the theatre was a 500 sitter, the population of students from political science, mass comm., English , history , economics and law combined was too much for the hall to bear, as such it rewarded its occupants with ‘HEAT’; one that was more than enough for all to share, the lecturer inclusive. I was still recovering from the laughter caused by the incessant comedy of the lecturer when my phone started vibrating in my pocket; I was surprised to see Funke’s call, for her calls were seldom. I concluded something important was at hand, and I therefore rushed out of the theatre to call her.

When she picked up I immediately asked what was wrong for I was really worried by her august call. She nagged about me not calling her for over two hours; I tried to explain that I was busy with lectures, to which she replied by asking ‘are your lectures more important than me?’
‘Never, sweetheart if my lectures were more important I wouldn’t have left the lecture theatre to call you’ ‘I replied ‘I’m sorry sweetheart I never meant it that way’ I quickly added.
‘beg me very well jor’

Immediately I heard this, I was forced to move farther away to avoid sight and hearing, I quickly moved to a deserted area of the school since the theatre was close to that part. I begged her with all sincerity, when I was sure none was looking, I went on my knees, this probably impressed her for she told me she was not angry any longer. I requested her permission to return to my lecture theatre, to which she obliged. I walked briskly back to the theatre.

I saw people exiting the theatre, I checked my time to confirm my sight …the lecture was supposed to end officially 10 minutes ago. I dialed Mt’s number to confirm their location but a beautiful voice politely responded ;’u do not have sufficient credit to call this number’. Not that I cared about their whereabouts, but where exactly was I to get transport fare!!!

I walked in a running manner to the bus park where I was almost sure Mt and Ykay would be. Many students were queuing for bus; I concluded my friends would be among the queue since they left the lecture hall not quite long ago. I walked to and front the queue rotating my eyes in all directions searching for any of them, this movement of mine purchased me suspicious eyes who probably felt I was up to something mischievous. When it seemed as if my search was futile and the eyes I bought were becoming too much a burden for me to bear, I chose to do the expedient.

Stooping so low to beg from strangers wasn’t any option for me, so despite the crowd of students at the bus park, I couldn’t approach anyone with my self-inflicted predicament. The distance of the park to the exit gate was just over a kilometer, and I made up my mind to trek as far as my legs could go. I brought out my ear piece from my thigh-pocket, actually the ear piece was the only property in my pocket aside my phone, I didn’t have a note for that particular lecture , since I just went there for fun, quite surprisingly I had an ‘A’ in the course. I started playing my favourite song ‘Angel of my life’ by Paul play’

So did I set out for my adventure under the scorching sun which communicated with my skin in a merciless manner. After trekking for about 1 hour 45 minute, I was drenched in my own perspiration, I found myself at the back gate of my campus, and luckily for me our hostels were located close to the gate. A sudden joy came over me which gave me a sprinting energy to complete my adventure. On getting to my room, I met my roommates arguing about the lectures they had, it was only then I remembered I had missed another lecture; I walked in silently and collapsed on my bed in fatigue.

Hardly had I settled on my bed when I heard familiar voices, laughing crazily and walking towards our room which was the last on the floor. Mt, Ykay and Id walked in, they were with their bags which meant they were just returning from lectures. I tried to feign sleeping in order to chase them away for I was too tired to start enduring their lousiness.
‘ idi.ot y where u go wey we no c u again?’ Mt asked
‘Guy I beg I wan sleep …later ‘I said turning to the other side of the bed
‘wetin happen na? We wait for u for new site we no c, na Raf use im ride carry us come back self’ Ykay added

At this, I narrated my ordeal to them, how I had left the theatre to call Funke and my search for them. They patiently listened until I got to the part where I trekked back to school. They all busted out in laughter, even my dumb roommates were not left out!!!!
After the visit of my friends, I sat down and regurgitated my life, I played the past few months with Funke before me and watched it like a tape. I wondered about the pain love has caused me, I thought about Christina Milan and her film ‘love don’t cost a thing’. ‘Why did she deceive me that love costs nothing? I’ve spent time, money, and energy, to what end?’ ‘What exactly is love? I asked myself rhetorically.
I remembered the saying of my dad that excess of everything can be intoxicating, his sating was reflected in my thoughts that afternoon. The excess love I had for Funke was the root of my madness, at the same time; the excess hunger of that afternoon accorded me the opportunity to reflect on my madness which has never stared me in the face since its inception.
Despite my deep reflection which almost caused a revolution against the regime of Funke’s love in my heart, I found myself missing her even more. I lay helplessly on my bed thinking about Funke praying silently that sleep would overcome me and save me from further torture from hunger. My prayers never came true and I had no choice but to endure.
Around 5 pm when it seemed as if I would die of hunger, I rose from my bed to pay a visit to my aboki, I drank two cups of water to add a little weight to my empty stomach while I heard near silent voice in my mind ‘thank God water is free’
I had intended to bail myself out of hunger by getting a few cups of Garri from my friend, but I found myself doing something else. Obviously the need to hear Funke’s voice was more pressing than the need for food. I dialed her number once again, immediately she picked I apologized for not calling earlier. We started chatting as usual, me expressing my love for her; even hunger had to pause to listen to the purgation of emotion.
‘I never believed love exists until this moment I’m spending with u, I wouldn’t still believe love exists, but for the fact that all parts of my body could testify. If my heart could speak it’d tell you that the only source of happiness for me is the sound of Ur voice. I haven’t tasted anything but water today, yet I have I’ve recharged 200 naira on my phone to call u alone.’ I said in an emotion-filled voice’
‘are u serious?’ you’ve not eaten today,y?’ she interrupted me with an expression of shock.
‘For the past 3 days, my pocket has been empty’ I replied.
‘Then how are u getting card to call me? She asked
‘Indifference will always find an excuse, love will always find a way sweetheart’
‘I have to go now, I’ll call u later’ she finally said
‘ok I love you beyond words, bye’
‘Bye’ she hanged up.
Few minutes after she hanged up, a text message entered my phone, and it boldly appeared on the screen ‘message from unbeatable love’…Funke had never sent an sms, ‘what could this be?’ I wondered before reading !!!

FIRST LOVE (episode 15)

One way or the other the hitherto busy highway which led to FCE was almost deserted when the storm started and for a moment I wondered whether the cars disappeared or flew away like planes. Whichever it was wasn’t material at that moment, what was more important was conveying the food to the hostel safely. We ran as if our lives depended on it, I had witnessed uncountable rainfall in Lagos, but in the north rainfall was entirely different. It is usually accompanied by violent wind, a merciless one at that which respects nothing on its way.


By the time we returned to school, we were completely wet and cold, we went straight to Mt’s room and unluckily for us the room was in its usual state, filled to its capacity due to visitors who come to play video games. I cursed myself inwardly for being so unlucky, and my heart felt pity for me, because I could feel it was almost in tears.

Actually there’s love in sharing, but 10 hungry students sharing a meal meant for two students was no love, it’s a plain disaster, I made up my mind to give it whatever it takes so as to make the most out of our hard-earned food. As soon as we entered, the boys already knew what was going on, Mt threw me a spoon, other people in the room fetched their own cutleries, about four boys went outside to get their own weapons to devour the food, and in a flash don jazz locked them outside, they only realized they were out of the contest when they returned, they cursed and tried to force their way through to no avail. As such the population was reduced from 11 to 7 much to my delight, we started devouring the food in no time, I later dropped my weapon since it was too slow and ate with my bare hands while sitting on the floor, there were just 3 pieces of meat in the food and with a reflex action, I dipped my hand in the cooler and out I ran, clutching the meat tightly in my right hand. I literally jumped the stair case till I got downstairs, when I was sure none was chasing me, I walked quietly to my room, all my roommates were asleep, I thanked my stars, bolted the door and enjoyed my piece of meat with three cups of water, and in that way the ever-demanding landlords of my stomach were pacified.

Need I say after all the struggle from FCE to room 33 in Q block (MT’s room) and my 100 meters race after stealing the meat, I was really exhausted, when the idea of reading for my test came to my mind I simply waved it off and chose the part of comfort. I lay on my mattress and wandered off to dreamland, not even the almighty snoring of my roommate could stop me!!!

I never believed what was happening to me at that moment, i couldn't even think of the chronology of events which led me to that place. The best i could remember was that Funke came to my room and informed me that she had a surprise for me , i was surprised she could be so bold despite that our relationship wasn't up to that level. When i inquired what the surprise was , she asked me to close my eyes, i suddenly started feeling cool breeze all over me, i moved a step further and discovered i was in a different planet entirely, a heavenly fragrance invaded my sense of smell, i couldn't resist the urge to open my eyes. When i did my guess was confirmed. I found myself lying next to My Queen - Funke. We were lying on flowers, the whole place was covered with flowers of different colours and fragrance. I tried to rise to my feet when Funke came over me, she placed her lips on mine and brought her tongue out,i did same to receive her sweetness , i could feel the whole of her weight on me, as we locked ourselves up in passion i felt her bosoms brushing against my chest , 'this must be heaven ' i kept repeating to my mind.

I exchanged positions with her and came on top, we kept repeating the process amidst ecstatic moaning and pleasure. I found myself in a web of feeling i never experienced since i was born, one i started wishing would last forever.

'Idio.t u no go stand up? I heard a voice from nowhere, i opened my eyes to discover it was Mt, i quickly looked around and found myself in the hostel, it was at that point in time i discovered that all the moaning and kissing was a dream, i quickly closed my eyes to continue from where we stopped, i saw nothing, i closed it tighter,yet i couldn't find Funke nor the garden.

'Guy u dey craze o ! Y u go wake me na?' i shouted at Mt.
'Idi.ot check time ' he replied.
I picked up my phone which was under my pillow and discovered it was just few minutes to 8. I remembered the test and jumped out of my bed to wash my face, for i was late already and couldnt afford to take my bath !
I adopted the boarding school style of rub and shine on that morning. Rub and shine is not the process of applying polish to leather shoes to make them shine, rather ‘rub and shine’ is the process of applying Vaseline on one’s skin without bathing. This is the style many students adopted back then in secondary school in order to avoid the everlasting queue for water and at the same time meet up with the breakfast in dinning. Breakfast in boarding school was a golden opportunity which when missed will never be regained.
We hurried to school in other not miss the test even though we were already late. On our way, I stopped over at the aboki shop to get recharge card on credit; this action of mine infuriated MT as he found it irrational for someone who was already late for a test to jeopardize it further. He walked away angrily while I went ahead to get recharger card, after a session of familiarity chat with the Aboki, I succeeded in getting recharge card to call my Queen, I dialed her number while I continued walking to the faculty, she was particularly lively that morning probably due to my performance the previous night. Each time I listen to her voice, she reminds me of Celine Dion’s ‘a new day has come’, it was no different on that particular morning, her voice gave me hope in hitherto hopeless situation, her voice intoxicated me in sober situations. After the call, I smiled my way to the faculty.
Mt wasn’t a friend, he couldn’t pass for an enemy either, never. He was simply a brother, I least expected him to reserve a seat for me after what appeared to him as foolishness on my part. Immediately I stepped in the lecture hall, he started waving me from afar to join him on the seat he reserved for me, I got to the seat and teased him in hush tones; ‘ I think sey u no go hold seat for me na’. The lecturer was already on the podium but was receiving a call; I kept praying silently in my mind that she changes her mind about the test.
My prayer was probably sent on a 3g network for Mrs. Lecturer announced that the she had a meeting to attend and therefore the test was rescheduled to the next class. My joy knew no bounds but I concealed it in order not to incur the wrath of serious students who were disappointed by the lecturer’s announcement. I rose from my seat and searched for Ykay with my eyes, I caught him at the front seat, and I gave him a wicked grin which produced a priceless look on his face.
Myself, Mt and Ykay returned to the hostel- Mt’s room, it was only when we got to his room that he informed me that he had only noodles in his locker, I was disappointed because I knew I was in for a day of hunger which had just begun. Noodles belong to the group of food I’ve never tasted in my life; as such I walked dejectedly to my room, while Ykay laughed loudly in vengeance to what I did earlier in the class.
None of my roommates were around when I got to the room, even if they were I was assured of not getting a grain of Garri from any of them, they were all introverts and we hardly conversed save for moments of quarrel. I drank enough water to substitute the food which was unavailable, after which I laid gently on my bed and started playing one of the many recorded conversations from my numerous calls with Funke till hunger brought slumber upon me…..

THE HUNTER AND HIS WIFE

Dear readers. Good morning and how has the weekend been so far? Mine is really cool..hope yours is better?
I have something to share with you guys today and here it goes;
 So a hunter went on his usual hunting one day, and after a very long and fruitless day, he decided to return home and concluded he was unlucky for that day.

On his way home, he saw something jump along the footpath straight to the bush, and he immediately gave it a chase, lo and behold! it was an antelope, a very big one at that. with utmost immediacy, he brought out his gun and shot at the antelope, he waited impatiently for his bullet to get to the antelope, but the bullet was too slow and this really tried his patience, he ran to where the antelope was and caught it alive, by the time the bullet got there, he caught the bullet and returned it to his gun.

 He rushed home enthusiastically to present the antelope to his wife so she could make a good meal from it. Immediately he got home, he wanted to surprise his wife, therefore, he dropped the animal at the backyard and sneaked in to take his bath.after taking his bath he got to the dinning room and to his surprise, he met his wife, chewing on bones, when he inquired where she got the meat, she informed him that she had already slaughtered the antelope and finished preparing it before he finished taking his bath. She had already eaten her food as well...

Who is faster between the hunter and his wife? let us know your answers , you can as well share with your friends on Facebook and Twitter

FIRST LOVE (episode 14)

I went straight to Id’s room to see if I could be lucky to get something to eat since the satisfaction I got from the garri I had eaten earlier was only momentary and had therefore expired. Id’s block was actually the dirtiest in the school, although it was a general thing that the hostels are eternally dirty and had probably been like that from its inception. But Id’s block was exceptional; it was dirty with a trademark stamp. L block as it is popularly known was blessed with an evergreen stinkingness, the type which was capable of making a day-old child cover his nose, no thanks to the permanent decay of the drainage system. As such whenever I was going to visit Id who lived on the third floor, I always seized my breath.

When I got to Id’s block I was welcomed by the familiar smell, I sprinted the stairs to his room, and to my surprise, Mt and Ykay were also present. They were about going for night class and it was at that point I remembered that I had a test slated for the next day. ‘Poor boy how far?’ I was greeted by Mt,
‘Rich man I dey o, na because of U I even come here sef, I know sey u go fit help my life’ I answered
‘I no sey u don broke, ur father just dey waste money, e nor know sey woman don carry ur head’ he said amidst a wicked grin.
‘guy bone abeg, I go see small garri smoke for ur side?’ I asked
‘omo mesef don broke o, na Atm side I wan go this night sef and u know sey test dey tomorrow’ he replied.
The ATM in our conversation wasn’t referring to the automated teller machine which disposed money to customers; rather it was the name my guy gave his girlfriend. Truly she performed the function of the machine and therefore Mt had little or no need for the machine. I convinced him after several arguments to allow us go to FCE to see his ATM so we could at least get something for our ever demanding stomachs, we all left Id’s room together , Ykay and Id left for night class, while myself and Mt headed for the FCE.

The road leading to the college was usually busy at night, and on that night it wasn’t any different, against all odds we arrived at the school to the delight of our ATM who was already waiting patiently for MT, when she saw us on that night, gratitude was written all over her, and for once I thought about my Funke, I suddenly wished she turned Funke, for she was the best any guy could ask for, although I knew my wish was impossible for wishes are not horses.

She had prepared fried rice and salad for us, and the mere mention of it, elicited a crazy jubilation from my mouth that was already salivating in a flood-like manner. She requested we eat it in her presence, there in the love garden, but Mt objected much to my advantage for ATM’s presence would have spoilt the show. Mt rose to leave since the ATM had dispensed food which was our goal of visiting. We had hardly gotten to the exit gate of the FCE when a violent storm took over, it started as a cool breeze with a soothing effect on the skin until it started throwing violent objects, it was only then it became clear that we were in for it… I quickly grabbed the most important thing from Mt- the cooler of ATM’s food and the marathon race back to school began!!!

FIRST LOVE (episode 13)

It was only when I got to my room I discovered I was hungry, the fact was that I hadn’t eaten anything since I morning. Cooking was impossible, since my kerosene stove was already a desert with serious drought of kerosene, even if I had kerosene, the only foodstuff in my locker was garri. I immediately found myself in a dilemma, I couldn’t go to Mt’s room, because I knew I wouldn’t find any food, he only cooked at mid-night when everyone was asleep, and even at that, he cooked at a regular intervals of three days.
I switched on the Bluetooth headset I took from ykay’s room and started playing the song, paying attention to the lyrics rather than the beats, all this I did amidst near violent rumbling in my stomach. I knew quite well that none of fmr friends would lend me money, and it wasn’t yet month end, in fact the month was sjust beyond half, so there was no hope of getting money from home. I continued learning the song amidst heavy thoughts of how to get food, the 110 naira on me was already gone before I even spent it spent since I had to call Funke.
I was grateful to Etisalat when I discovered I still had about 10 megabytes left of the weekly 15 megabyte I was given. In order to utilize it , I quickly clicked on Google and started searching for ‘love my baby’ lyrics. I had just few hours left before 7pm- the time I ought to call Funke, therefore, the best I could do was to concentrate on the task despite the protest by the worms in my stomach.
When I felt I my preparation was enough, I went to the Aboki’s shop just outside my hostel to recharge my phone with 100 naira, and I bought 10 naira sugar for the sake of my stomach. I got back to my room and soaked the remnant of my garri, I could feel jubilation in my stomach when the first spoons of garri dropped there, and gradually I came back to life…never underestimate the power of love…I only got to know how hungry I was when I started drinking my’ garium sugarnitrate’.
After my sumptuous meal, I called my Funke to prove to her I could do anything to make her happy…
The best way to enjoy being with the one you love is in the silence of nature, to be out of sight and hearing of the market eyes and ears. Thus, I strolled to the back of the girls hostel, which was the closest to the most silent part of the school- the bush. The female hostel was usually busy at that time of the night with the trooping in of visitors, and I sometimes went there to feed my eyes. On that particular night, my eyes were almost blinded by the powerful rays produced by the headlight of several flashy cars parading the hostel searching for dates.

I kept wondering why the female hostel had to be filled at night with men various classes of the society, I remembered my first few weeks in the school when I told my friends that the fathers of those grills coming to visit them almost every night must be very caring. I remembered how they busted into laughter, don jazz especially who was laughing with tears in his eyes. Mt was benevolent enough to inform me that its actually the daddies that came to visit them, not the biological daddies but the aristo-daddies.and so as I made my way through on that night, I reminded myself it meant actually nothing to those involved, after all it’s a free world.

By the time I got to my silent destination, a feeling of déjà vu stole the moment, as I kept imagining being there with Funke herself in all her glory. As I dialed her number, an additional feeling of anxiety came over me. I was hardly aware when my darling picked up, until I heard ‘hello’, I didn’t bother replying her, though inadvertently, I started singing in the most melodious voice I could produce…and on I went.

To my amusement, i was as good as flawless throughout the song,when i finished singing, the receiver reminded me that I just had a minute left, and with that I simply told her ‘I love you’ and as usual she replied with ‘ok’. It was over three months into our relationship but I was yet to get a word of love from her. I wished her goodnight, tucked my hands into my cashless pockets and started finding my way back to the hostel with a feeling of complacence….

BRAIN TEASER; WHO IS STRONGER

Once upon a time three young men set out on a journey to a deep forest in search of a treasure. Midway into their adventure, they all started complaining of thirst. They went into different directions searching for water to no avail.
After the futile search for water, they unanimously decided to use their God-given strength to provide water.
The first man, struck a blow to the earth, and immediately, a Well formed.Another problem came up as there was no container to fetch the water from the well.
As such the Second man raised the well and poured water by turn to the for the two others to drink.
After they had taken their fill of water, they became worried about how to convey the water should there be any need for it again in the course of their journey.
As such the third man raised the well to his shoulder till they got to their destination.
Who is the strongest?

kindly drop your answers and let us know the strongest of them all

FIRST LOVE (episode 12)

As time went by, Funke became a synonym for Wasak on the part of my friends,many called me Mr. Funke. I spent a lot of time composing poems, and various text messages which I sent to her every day. It was over a month since she accepted me into her life, yet for all my efforts to make her happy I never got a word of appreciation from her, the best I got was ‘ok’. It wasn’t as if I was worried about that, but my friends wouldn’t let me be, they insisted that she was taking me for a ride , and I was doing the needful stepping up her game.
I was deaf to any negative statement about my relationship with Funke. This almost led to a fallout between me and my friends but for maturity. It was just over a month into the new semester and I was already broke. My account was credited every month, but that was not enough to salvage the situation, I already spent the money before I got it. During the first month of the second semester, I was always buying card calling Funke, I even changed my Sim in order to be on the same network with her, it was cheaper, but I called more. I never allowed her to spend a dime on me, whenever she called, I’d reject her call , and call her back, I wasn’t trying to impress her, but I was a lover boy…a passionate one at that…
When I got broke, I started borrowing to keep my game steady, I didn’t borrow money, I borrowed cards, for all I needed that time was recharge card to call Funke- the love of my life and I spent an average of 400 naira daily on cards. I was comfortable with drinking garri 3 times a day and 5 days a week save for the little days I was lucky. I hardly bought foodstuffs throughout the semester . The only times I ate something different from garri and eba was whenever I ate in my friends’ rooms or when Mt’s girl cooked for us, in the meantime, my friends gave up on me and accepted the fact that I wouldn’t yield to tales of their experiences from past relationship, I was really happy about this for it helped me stay focused…not on my studies..but on my relationship.
In the beginning of the third month of the semester, the results of the previous semester were pasted on notice boards across the school. The result was a disappointment to science students, more than half of the whole population of science students in the school had carry over in a single course –maths 1301…on my part, I was lucky enough to be among the few who led my department and the results of my pals weren’t bad either.
After lectures on that day, I rushed to the hostel and dialed Funke’s line to break the good news to her…little did I know that my happiness was only momentary and would be cut short by FUNKE!!!

Me; ‘good afternoon sweetheart’
Funke ; ‘good afternoon’
Me; ‘guess what’
Funke;‘what’
Me ; ‘our first semester results were released this morning and I did well’
Funke; ‘ehen!! And what’s my business with that’
That had been the opening of the conversation between myself and Funke, immediately she asked what her concern was with my result, my jaw dropped, my mouths were wide agape with no sound coming out of it. Her words stung my heart like the bite of a bee.
I quickly apologized to avoid infuriating her majesty further, a part of me was thankful that I was making the call in seclusion, had my friends been present, the story could have been different. She told me my apology would only be accepted on one condition.
The condition was that I memorize wizkid’s song , her favorite song actually and sing it to her on that night. I was stunned when I heard her, what a weird order, but I was ready to do anything as long as it would appease my princess. I asked whether I should play it to her hearing, she objected to my suggestion and insisted I carry out her request or rather her order.
Memorizing ‘love my baby’ wasn’t a problem, although I had never listened to any of Wizkid’s song prior to her request, I felt I could meet her demand. The problem actually was that I had a text the next day, how was I to cope with her order and my test !!! ‘how’ I wondered .
After some minutes of reflection, i dashed out to Id's room. When i got there I collected his phone and searched for 'love my baby' by Wizkid, lo and behold I couldn't find it there. Throughout my stay in his room, he kept asking what my mission was
How could I have told him Funke ordered me to memorize a song ?

I dashed out of his room and off i went to Ykay's room (another course-mate of mine). I asked whether he had the song on his phone, to which he replied in the affirmative. I opened up to him as to my mission , because unlike Mt and Id ,Ykay was a Jew man like me. After I finished explaining my mission, he shook his head and said 'Wasak , i must tell you the truth, you are mad'
On a normal day, Yk's remark could have infuriated me, but it didn't for i admitted i wad truly mad, not only that, i was fully contented with my madness for it gave me joy.
After sending the song to my phone, i surreptitiously took his Bluetooth headset and ran away from his room (we lived in the same block) .
On my way downstairs to my room, I saw an inscription on the stair case, it must have been written by a student..it read 'WHEN LOVE IS NOT MADNESS, IT IS NOT LOVE AT,ALL'
I smiled after reading it and nodded in agreement.

FIRST LOVE (episode 11)

In order to prevent myself from further hurt, i lied to Funke that i was low on credit and would therefore call her later. This was probably a good decision because it also helped to conceal my tears. I crept back into my room , and lay on my bed like a rejected piece of good. Well how was i different from that?

I pondered over the last 3 days, how worried i had been about Funke when i couldnt reach her, i pondered about how well she appreciated my worry over her with cold responses. I pondered about the tears falling freely from my eyes , i asked myself whether it was the same me who found it hard to shed a tear drop when i lost an aunt the previous year....
It was about a week since Funke had accepted my proposal, the bulk of my thoughts, money and time was expended on her one way or the other, yet the best i could get in return was those responses...in between those thoughts, i found myself dialling her number once more, when she picked up , i found myself apologising for disturbing her the other time...i asked about her upcoming exams to which she responded positively, much to the delight of my hitherto sobber heart for reasons beyond me.
After the call, I concluded the same way Nnu Ego had concluded in 'the joys of motherhood' according to her, if you don't have children , the longing for them will kill you, If you have children the worry over them will kill you...my case was similar ''if you don't have a lover, the longing for them will kill you, when you finally think you found love, the worry over such love will kill you''!!!!

My conclusion wasn’t enough to deter me from loving Funke, rather it only made me love her more.
A few days later, I traveled back to school without even seeing Funke, when I had requested that I’d like us to meet, she told me in clear terms ‘it is not possible’, I accepted my fate or what choice hath a beggar?
When I returned to school, I couldn’t hold myself from breaking the news of my relationship to my friends which earned me mockery till date. Mt had requested for a pics of the supposed girlfriend and I told him I had none, this really angered him, he asked whether I met her in person, and I replied in the negative, he concluded I was probably joking because he failed to understand how a relationship would thrive on phone calls only.
During my discussion with Mt, Id walked in- Id was one of our very close friends then, he took interest in our discussion and also requested to see her picture, when I told him I had none, he burst out into minutes of laughter, Mt joined him and they both laughed at what they thought was acute foolishness on my part.
I didn’t allow their remarks deter me , but they and some of my other friends kept asking so many questions , I replied all of their questions in an enthusiastic manner , this really cracked them up, I didn’t understand the reason for their laughter then...but today, I think I do.
On one of such occasions I was on one of such long calls with my love, when Id came to my room , he patiently waited for me to end the call, and I ended in the usual way lovers do;
‘I love you’
Funke;’ok,bye’
After the call, Id inquired whether or not she replied in a like manner; I simply told him she had never told me she loved me. He insisted I call her back, right at that moment, I did and repeated ‘I love you’ , she replied in her usual manner, Id noticed this and he suddenly seized the phone from me!!!

I already knew his motive of seizing the phone from me and therefore didn’t bother wrestling it from him. I knelt down and begged him not to speak to her, at least not with that intention. He had planned to question her whether she truly loved me or was jus whiling away time with me, luckily for me the call went off due to poor network and didn’t connect for that moment.
I was in love, not only with my heart but with all the parts of my body, the feeling I felt having whenever I listened to Funke’s voice was priceless, I was so crazy about her to the extent that I recorded our conversation and played it over and over again , just to listen to her voice, usually anytime I speak with her, a big smile appears on my face and it lasts for as long as the memory of the call does. Funke was actually my happiness, my blessing , my food , my medicine …in fact Funke was me…I spend at least 30 minutes on phone with her, talking and talking about how much I love her, this really ate up a substantial part of my pocket money made worse by the fact that we used different networks. But I wasn’t bothered at all, I was determined to spend my blood on her..And so I continued the spending…
It happened that I was in a Mt’s room on one of such occasions after speaking to Funke, one of his roommates made an observation about seeing me in different corners of the hostel making long calls and according to him it was surely a girl, Mt went on to narrate what I told him about the relationship to his roommate, Donjaz as his roommate was called , after listening to Mt’s version went ahead to lambast me for being a fake Lagos guy. In his words ‘guy u Bleep up o and u sure say u come from Lagos? Person dey for Lagos guy dey Romance am, u dey here dey waste money dey buy card...sha I no blame u, na love u dey find, no be person like me wey dey find yansh’.
Everyone thereby present laughed at his utterances and as if to add salt to my injury , someone playfully added ‘loverboy’ and another wind of laughter blew …a name my friends would call me till date.

10 amazing facts about Nelson Mandela.

THE NELSON MANDELA YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW.

One of Africa's greatest leaders he was, a true lion of the 20th century political struggle in south Africa. his life was full of events, some of which one may find intriguing. Although the South Africans and probably many other nationalities see him as a god and his struggle for freedom was one of the most popular not only in South Africa, but all over the globe. here are some interesting facts about his life.

1. HE HATED HIS PUBLIC IMAGE. As stated earlier, Mandela was regarded by many as a supernatural human, but deep down, he rejected this.when he was first elected president of South Africa, he had clearly stated in his speech that he wasn't a messiah and many newspapers quoted him in front pager 'I AM NOT A MESSIAH'. he saw himself as just anybody struggling for the cause of truth and freedom.
2. HE WAS A MARXIST. Mandela was an ardent supporter of communism. this may have been caused by his experience during the apartheid regime in south Africa where the white overlords seized and controlled almost every means of production and exploited the natives to work for them, giving them no more than peanuts as a justification for their labour. Many people him didn't know about this because he concealed it to gain American support and for the fact that he was more interested in the liberation of South-Africa than forming a Marxist society.
3. HE WAS A WOMANIZER. Now this might not be what you think, he was human and wasn't infallible. despite his struggle, he had time for women, not just about him being sexual, but he was, according to his biographers, a Casanova. Probably for the fact that he was popular, women fell at his feet with little or no efforts and he was able to manage multiple of affairs at a time. This was well represented in David James Smith's the 'Young Mandela'
4. HIS PRISON LIFE. Although it is a well known fact that the Late Mandela spent 27 years in Prison, some interesting events had taken place in the prison. top on the list is the fact that he was offered conditional freedom six times and at every point in time, he rejected. he was also confined to a 2m x 2.5m cell with nothing but a sheet on the floor as bed.he was also consigned to hard labour in a mine for much of that time, and could only receive a visitor, once in six months. In spite of these, he found time to write a memoir which was later discovered by the White authorities leading to a restriction on his freedom to study.
5. HE WAS FRIEND WITH GADDAFI. Mandela was friends with erstwhile Libyan leader Col. Muammar Gaddafi, Gaddafi himself was well known for his support of the ANC. He provided funds and arms at needed times and most ANC leaders respected him a lot. This includes the Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe, Jacob Zuma to mention a few.When the struggle against apartheid was on course, Gaddafi was benevolent enough to support them and as such the late Mandela returned his gesture by paying him a courtesy visit in 1994, he also went as far as naming his grandson after the erstwhile Libyan leader.
6. HE CREATED THE ANC MILITARY FORCE.The late Nelson mandela founded the Military wing of the African National Congress. after the sharpeville attack by the then colonial government on innocent protesters which claimed the lives of 69 South-Africans, it was the military wing of the ANC that later carried out attacks on both colonial military and sometimes civilians. This was probably one of the reasons he was on the US terror list until 2008.
7. HIS BIRTHDAY IS AN INTERNATIONAL DAY. The United Nations in  the year the first time a day was dedicated to a single person in History of the world.
8. HIS EX-WIFE AN IRON LADY. Mandela married three wives. His second wife Evelyn was a tough lady, she doubled as an active participant of the ANC struggle. She was once convicted of kidnapping and murdering a 14 year old who was accused of supplying evidence to the Police. She has also faced several charges of abducting and torturing whoever stood against her then Husbands struggle. She was also a staunch advocate of 'execution by burning' who ever betrayed the cause'
9. HE IS A CANADIAN CITIZEN. The late Madiba was also a cowboy, he was awarded honorary citizenship in Canada. he was a honorary member of the British Labour Party, and also a honorary member of Manchester United. It is also noteworthy of mention that a prehistoric wood pecker was named after him 'australopicus nelsonmandelai' along with hundreds of awards and honours.  
10.  NELSON WASN'T HIS BIRTH-NAME . Mandela's birth name was– Rolihlahla – is an           isiXhosa name that means ''pulling the branch of a tree". the name also means "troublemaker" and he probably was a trouble maker for the most part of his life, although in the right cause. His English name, Nelson, was given to him by a missionary schoolteacher.

FIRST LOVE (episode 10)

 It probably would have been better if I didn’t go back home,  that morning, when I got home, I
 met  everyone searching for my mum’s phone which I switched off after the call. They were already trying to reach the number which didn’t go through. I started thinking of an escape route for what I  caused unaware of the fact that my sister saw me receiving a call. When my parents requested to see the phone with which I was receiving the call, I had no choice than to produce the kidnapped phone. My mum quickly confirmed her account balance…guess you know the rest?

A moment of heavy tongue-lashing followed, as if that was not enough, my punishment for that morning was fasting, yes I was made to forgo my breakfast. I wasn’t moved a bit for I had something more valuable than food or so I thought…
When I later got to my room to ponder over my discussion with Funke, I started wondering why Funke asked me not to trust her, y did she ask me not to put my mind on the relationship, ‘is she planning to jilt me?’ I kept asking myself several questions. Funny enough I answered all the questions the way my heart wanted it…’sure she’ll never break my heart’, I kept assuring myself.
Later that day when I succeeded in getting recharge card from mama chisom via credit, I decided to call Funke, for moments without listening to her voice seemed…eternity. I tried and tried to no avail. Her number didn’t go through, I concluded her battery was probably low. I decided to call later in the night, the only response I got throughout was ‘switched-off’. Same thing the next day, I kept calling …I called to the extent that it became a reflex action…I was even dialing her number unconsciously for two day to no avail!!!
It seemed like the end of the world for me, my heartbeat increased its beating, I lost appetite and only ate little food, my bed was virtually useless for the 2 days, sleep evaded me..all I could do was think, when I didn’t get answers, I thought harder…..Oh love!!!

The next day was Saturday, so i had a lot of work,to do, this actually helped to occupy the vacuum Funke created in my heart
But this was to last for only a short-while, immediately after the house chores, the vacuum resumed from its short vacation.I logged on Tugo to notify Wale of the development perhaps he could help me find a,way out for I truly needed help.
After a few minutes on Tugo ,Funke called, I concluded my eyes were deceiving me or it,was probably a delusion as it had been for the past 3 days. When I finally decided to pick up, I made a decision to query her for her nonchalance ...,..as if I could..
I picked up and asked in a rather apologetic manner why her number wasn't going through in the past few days, her reply befuddled my ears !!! She told me she travelled to write her post-utme and decided to switch off in order for me not to disturb her...

 


At this point I swallowed hard as if to swallow the rage burning up inside me, of course I was burning with rage and melancholy...but who was I to express that before Her majesty?
I started begging her and promised not to disturb her ,i begged her never to switch off her phone, for it was already having effects on me....i was probably speaking to deaf ears even with tears in my eyes as she asked 'who are u to tell me not to switch off?'

FIRST LOVE (episode 9)

Few days to my resumption, Lima called me , for the first time since I returned home. She asked if I had Funke’s number, to which I replied in the negative. Few minutes later, My phone beeped with an incoming message, when I checked …behold was her majesty’s number…not the Queen of England…but the Queen, controller and dictator of my heart –FUNKE!!!
Just like a reflex action, I was already dialing the number, whe n the receiving end picked up, Her Majesty’s voice couldn’t be mistaken. I composed myself and chatted her up in a polite manner…albeit extra-ordinaire . she kept requesting for my name, which I didn’t mention for fear of her hanging up. The happiness in me overshadowed the fact that I felt embarrassed at her inability to recognize my voice. I ended the call when I was told that I had just a minute left , and promised to call her at night.
I spent the rest of the day preparing my lines , I chatted with Wale on 2go, who gave me ideas on how to word her into acceptance. I rehearsed my lines like I used to when preparing for drama in secondary school. For reasons which the mind knows no reason of , I decided to call her immediately after sunset.
I called and introduced myself properly and started on a sober note; ‘y do u hate me this much despite my unbeatable love for u?’ I asked.
‘me? Love?’ she asked.
‘of course Funke, I love u, I mean it, I’ve gone several places, I’ve seen many faces, but none has captivated my heart as much as U’.
I continued pouring out my lines, ‘ are u there ?’ I asked , I got no reply, by the time I checked the screen of my phone to confirm whether the call was still on, I realized I had been conversing with my phone…Funke had hanged up

I dialed her number again, praying silently that she would pick the call and indeed that prayer was answered. I asked why she hanged up and she replied in the customary way women do ‘nothing’.
I continued my regurgitated lines from where I stopped, with my treacherous voice cracking at regular intervals. I begged Funke as if my life depended on her love, indeed at that moment my life was meaningless without her love. She was there at the other end of the call telling me several reasons she can’t date me, among which is the fact that ‘that’s how you guys beg girls and later she will become useless to you’ –in her own words.
I went on to rebuke her claim begging her to give me just one chance, I promised not to disappoint her, in fact I made several promises on that night , and I wonder till this moment, whether I truly meant those promises or I was just ‘toasting’ as usual. At that point in time, I was almost crying, but the little manliness in me at that time manned up the situation.
When it seemed as if I was speaking to a rock that will never move no matter the situation, I decided to end the call with these words; ‘If as at now, that I’ve been begging you for over a year, despite the distance between us, you still don’t believe I truly love you. I don’t think there’s anything I can do to make you believe me and this is the last time I’ll ask you for this.bye’
After those words, a graveyard silence Invaded the call…and suddenly I heard Funke's voice ‘you have my word’ before I could confirm what I heard, another voice interrupted the call saying ‘your accopunt has been exhausted and your call terminated’
A wave of mixed feelings stole the moment, for the call was over fifteen minutes from an Mtn line to a Glo line, not that I was a big boy to that extent, but love...i mean that feeling that makes one irrational rationalized my spending on that night,. I dashed into the house with utmost immediacy, picked my mum’s phone and dialed Funke’s number, I did that to confirm what I heard , whether it was her tongue malfunctioning or my ears deceived me .
Alas! The begging was over; I knew there was a great task ahead. I went back inside only for my siblings to start shouting that they saw me making call for so long. I wasn’t surprised because I knew how witchy my sisters could be. I went straight to my room, sat down and took a mirror to look at myself, whether everything was happening in my dream or in my realm….a wave of happiness swept over me, the kind that was felt only when victory is attained after a protracted battle…the triumph of love.
The anxiety in me betrayed my tongue, betrayed my throat, in fact it betrayed my stomach. I was hungry but couldn’t eat, I was thirsty but couldn’t drink for I already found what was more than food at that moment, I found what was more than happiness.
I spent the remaining part of the night in soliloquy, the anxiety in me went further to betray my eyes , I couldn’t sleep, I lay awake, smiling to the darkness , unaware of every other thing save for the feeling in my heart’.
In between my anxiety of that night did I feel a drop of liquid running down my cheeks, when I tried to find the source of the liquid...i discovered it was from my eyes, tears of joy were dropping uncontrollably, I clung unto my blanket very tight and relished the greatest moment of my life!!!....
I woke up the next day, unlike any other day, I woke up with my eyes wide opened, my nerves at alert. It was as if I didn’t sleep at all. ‘Oh God is this meaning of love, is this how I’ll be feeling for the rest of life’ … I asked rhetorically. I performed all my house chores as if I with so much alacrity that my people were startled and concluded I was up to something probably sinister.
Before breakfast that morning I sneaked my mum’s phone out of the house to call Funke. When she picked up, I actually found it difficult to say anything, I was just stammering, my composure failed me. Does love also turn an eloquent speaker into a stutterer? I asked myself.
When I later found my voice, I asked about her plans for the relationship and a host of other questions, for the most part of call, my Dearest Funke kept replying ;’nothing’. I didn’t allow her response deter me, as I went on and on pouring out sweet words of love and reiterating the promises I made the previous night, this time I was sure I meant if for all my utterances came from the deepest part of my heart, not just the deepest, the purest it is. At a point in time, she asked me whether I trust her, and I replied in the affirmative.
Funke advised me not to trust her, and not to put too much hope in the relationship, at that point in time I became confused, for seconds I couldn’t say anything until the call went off. It was at this point in time I realized I already exhausted the card on my mum’s phone…my confusion was thus brought to its peak!!!!

FIRST LOVE (episode 8)

The voice at the other end was so shocked that after my outburst she couldn't help asking: 'wasak!!! me?'. Of course even if i were bold enough to shout at her, i wasn't bold enough to affirm it. i immediately apologised to her and told her it was a mistake that I was furious before her call came in which let to the exacerbation of my anger. she was almost crying , she told me no one had ever shouted at her all her life, this got to me , my heart almost stopped beating, I became speechless as my whole body was flooded with regrets. True, i wasn't myself at that moment but that wasn't enough as an explanation for a heart-wrenched Tope.
My sudden outburst on that day turned a blessing for her in disguise. How? my conscience bullied me for my inhumane reaction , and the only way to pacify it was to make Tope happy. As such, i became closer to her, i called her more frequently than ever , I was careful though, in order for her not to perceive my gesture as a love re-union. I skillfully omitted any topic about relationship and love...which girl cares about that as long as there was care?
I rounded off my exams a week after the incident and for once I realised i had missed my family. Throughout the Five months of my departure from home , i never felt nostalgic about home, but immediately after my Exams, a feeling of nostalgia came over me...such Nostalgia that could only be cured by Jumping on the next available Bus to Lagos!!!
I hadnt enough money at the end of my exams to afford me a luxurious bus ticket, i therefore opted for a low cost transport. i boarded an eighteen-seater bus, the Bus itself was enough to detach my mind from the journey for it was so dirty, old and rusty. whoever cared about such when you've been away for months?
The journey was as rough as the bus, the driver, for reasons best known to him opted for a bad route, the mokwa-jebba lane which i s notorious for its well-like pot holes. luck betrayed me since i was sitting as by the window side, i was among the recipients of the violent movement of the bus due to the pot-holes, it was so much that by the time i got home the next day, the journey bore me a swollen head.
My homecoming was a surprise to my peeps , they knew I'd be coming quite alright but the details were well hidden by me. My mum, after examining from head to toe concluded i really suffered at school, that i already lost so much weight...My dad on the other hand jokingly said "your son is not in school, he looks like someone from America"
The semester break was all fun for me , Tope kept pleading with me to come on a date with her, i Initially agreed to go out on a date with her....little did i know events will take a new turn which was to change me forever !!!

FIRST LOVE (episode 7)

Exams started a week after Tope's call. I really felt pity for her, I knew there was nothing she could do to bring us together... it just wouldn't work ...d required chemistry was totally absent. I wrote my exams as well as the fear in me motivated me to. The fear of failure is d beginning of wisdom for a new student... not all though. I remember don jazz -Mt's roommate, he was the perfect description of a lackadaisical student, he always bragged about how he was able to secure admission in the university despite his woeful performance in the matriculation Exam. such was donsag, whenever he saw people going to class to read, he would mock them by asking:'na my papa born book? It was a day to my last paper when I got another call from a strange number, I thought it was Bisola at it again, nay!!! I was wrong.
The call was from Funke's classmate -Lima. I was so surprised when I for to know she was the one, she said she had called just to inquire about my welfare at school. I was really happy about the , not because someone cared but because of my inner motive. I asked if Funke was nearby, she replied in the negative and promised to call back whenever Funke returned.
and for the first time in so many months I waited impatiently for that call.

 When my phone finally rang, i rejected the call for I already recharged enough airtime for Funke's sake. I called and the voice I heard from the other end couldn't be mistaken, it was Funke's. A sudden wind of joy blew past my heart, it swept me off my feet, it stole my speech, the wave of joy left me dumbfounded. That kind of joy you get when you find a valuable thing you misplaced for long...yes...such was the joy Funke's voice brought to my heart.
I was brought back to reality once again by the same voice that left me in a trance! 'Are u there? ' she asked!!!
'Yessss.... I'm here ' I stammered .
I ve always been a smooth talker but for that moment I was a complete stammerer. I managed to compose myself and inquired about her studies. We talked for over 5 minutes (etisalat to mtn ). Before the call ended, I requested for her number and she promised to call me whenever school vacated. For the remaining part of that day, I was a king .Yes , a king...i did every other thing in a royal manner trying my best to savour the moment of bliss Funke's voice gave me. And for many days later, i kept playing the conversation as i recorded it during the call.
Once again I was back to my old self or rather my real self. I couldn't restrain my mind from daydreaming about Funke. On one of such occasions of my sweet daydreaming, Tope's call came in to interrupt the moment, albeit rudely. I, angered to the extreme picked up the call and shouted 'dont ever call me again in your life !!!

FIRST LOVE (episode 6)

Occasionally, thoughts about Funke would arrest my mind, I would search for bail by trying different things, such as; gisting with friends, playing football and so on. Mt, by then had become my very close friend. Although we lived in separate blocks, we were an inseparable pair. I would cook and we’d eat together and vice versa. Our closeness was probably fostered by the fact that we shared many things in common, he lives in Lagos, so do I, he is a Yoruba guy, so am I.
As a sharp Lagos guy, Mt had already registered his name by getting a girlfriend in the federal college of education opposite our school. We used to visit her and she really was a ‘maga’. She spoilt us with gifts, food and so many unmentionables. Sometimes I’d ask my guy whether he truly loved her, for it was evident my guy had no atom of feeling in his heart. On my part, my conscience really disturbed me due to the fact that the girl gave her all in the relationship. She really did try at times I do wonder what she saw in the guy, was it because he was in the university? Or was it because he was a law student?
I just hope she forgives me, because whenever she asks me whether my friend loves her, I’d say “he never stops talking about u”. I told her this despite the fact that he abused her verbally and almost did physically; I really wish she saw what I saw, or rather what I knew!!!

 

 In no time, exams drew nearer and preparations began in earnest. As a fresher, I prepared.for exams in the best possible way a student could. I wasn't d type who keeps to his book everyday, I read only when exam time table has been released. Life in the university was different, many students read in such a way that one would think reading is oxygen needed to survive. This attitude was more common among students from the faculty of science, almost every night, they could be seen in every corner of the school, whenever there was no power supply, they'd use their torches.

Seeing them do this caused great fear in my heart, for i started feeling like an unserious student. This fear pushed me to apply the rule of 'if u cant beat them, join them' and with that i joined the 'till-day-break 'students. These group of students rarely sleep at night, most of them leave for study in the night and return to their rooms d next morning. I joined this group solely to satisfy my conscience so it would start seeing me as a serious student because i hardly did anything profitavble other than moving from one class to the other laughing at dozing till-day-breakers. It was during one of such nights of self-deceit that i received a call fron a strange number !!!!

 The call was actually from an Etisalat line. When I picked up, I recognised the voice instantly but feigned ignorance.
'So you've finally forgotten me abi 'the voice said.
'Sorry ,may I know who's on the line? 'I said feigning ignorance.
'Wasak!!! Me ? U dont even recognise my voice any more'
'Is this Bisola? I asked in a rhetorical manner...
'I'm sorry but I don't have this number of urs on my contact list ' I added...
'Its ok ' she finally said.


Immediately I discovered it was Tope, I knew there was a great task ahead for me on that night, and indeed there was. I started by giving her several excuses for my inability to call her,I also apologized and made her feel guilty for not asking about me too...I mean I'm studying law,I really know how to play with another man's conscience. We talked and talked on so many irrelevant and relevant matters.

I made the call outside in order not to inconvenient my roommates, much to the delight of mischievous mosquitoes who seized the opportunity to satisfy their hunger from my blood. When I felt they must have sucked their fill, I told Tope I was going back to bed, she asked 'so you are tired of me?' I understood what she meant and did not want to ruin our already ruined relationship . We continued talking until the night call ended.
I was made to pay for my profligacy of the night the next day as I dozed off in class at regular intervals, Mt took a great advantage of this opportunity as he took snapshots of my indolence with the camera of his phone!!!

 

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FIRST LOVE (episode 5)

I had gone on one of my usual futile search at the Cafe to c whether any miracle has happened about my post utme result. A miracle indeed happened, not about my post utme result but about something better.

FIRST LOVE (episode 4)

During my fling with Tope, I had travelled to a Federal University in the another part of Nigeria for my post -utme exam. At that time there was nothing like boko -haram and d state was so peaceful that you find people walking about freely in d midnight.
Till date, I still wonder the reason behind choosing d university as my choice school. During my registration for Jamb, I had chosen Lagos state university, for my dad had Long legs there. After the Exam I scored 266, and with that I felt I was good to go anywhere or so I thought.
I just woke up one day and told my Dad I wasn't interested in LASU any longer, and I wanted to change to a northern University. He asked y and I told him I wanted to explore my country. being the liberal type, he immediately granted my wish ,I bought the scratch card and changed my choice institution...all this was without my mama's knowledge.

She got wind of this pleasantly unpleasant development only after I had successfully changed it... all hell was let loose. Mama rained a flood if insults on my Dad blaming him, accusing him of giving me such an idea. My Dad being the calm type, laughed it off and dismissed it with a wave of a hand to the wind.....Days turned weeks and weeks to months. My post-utme result was no where to be found. I checked the school's website, but couldn't find my name. Since I knew no one in d school, I couldn't lodge a complaint to the faculty.


These development gave my Mama an aura of superiority as she seized the opportunity to rain more blames on my dad for wasting money, efforts and time. It wasn't as if she did not want my progress, but the fear of been separated from her son by a journey of over 18 hours by road was the beginning of wisdom for her. She swore that even if i were to be admitted, my enrollment in the School will be over her grave. Such was d kinda love a mother had for her child... d kind of love mothers have for their children... like some would say...The only True love is the love of a mother to her child!!!! do you agree?
At this point in time, my sisters seized the opportunity to taunt me, for they knew my decision to be faraway from home was partly informed by the desire to escape their devilish ways.
I kept going to d Cafe everyday, hoping for a miracle to happen. Whatever gave me such hope, I do not know. In the meantime, my fling with Tope was fading away albeit gradually, much to my delight... no thanks to my lackadaisical and lukewarm attitude towards her.
In the ember months of 2010, something happened, and that incidence till date makes me ask anyone facing a problem, d way a girl asked Mazi Omenuko...
'do u believe in fate? '

FIRST LOVE (episode 3)

I needed no Messiah to tell me to hang up. I hanged up instantly and switched-off my phone. I even went to the extent of hiding it under my bed as if that would cut off all network connections.

For two days after that incident i switched on my phone only at night. I kept painting several pictures of what Funke will be passing through in the hands of her Mum for having the temerity to release her number to a guy.

When i called Wale much later to know why he gave me a wrong number. He told me he saw it in his sister's diary..y didn't he confirm d number before giving it to me ? I thought foolishly as if it were his business.

Seconds metamorphosed into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to weeks,months and more months. I was rather jobless as a jambite , so my schedule for almost every day was wake,eat ,think about Funke all day, crying-wishing i could hear from her....
Such was how i spent my time until i finally made a decision!!!

What could be worse as a punishment to a teenager than solitary confinement? I grew up in the Barracks, d first 14 years of my life was spent there. My dad been a sucker for discipline and moral upbringing resigned his appointment mainly because he felt he needed to have time for us.
he resigned in 2008 and by the end of 2009 , we were on our way out of the barracks.

We moved into our own house, in a suburb of Lagos. and for the first time in my over 15 years of existence, I saw that houses were scattered around 200 kilometers apart from each other, I saw that people actually live in uncompleted buildings, I saw that there was more to fetching water than twisting the head of a tap.

This particular time in my life, turned me into an introvert -since I had no friends, and this gave me a lot of opportunity to brood in melancholy about a who girl cared less or didn't care at all about my existence or so I thought!!!

It was at this point in time that I decided to woo an ex-classmate of mine - Tope!!! I hope she forgives me wherever she is today!!!! 

Till date, I've not found any explanation for asking Bisola out. One thing is damn clear to me, even at that time, and that's the fact that she was no where close to the position Funke held in my heart. Silly me...
She, Tope, was d lively and friendly type . She do call me frequently at that time and so I decided to use her as a tool to wipe away the pain Funke had brought to my heart.
I called her and told I had something important to tell her, as usual, she became very anxious, having noticed the anxiety as her weakness, I capitalized on that and started beating about the bush, this time not with a stick, rather with a sweet mouth. I started by pouring out all the lies I had earlier rehearsed about how I felt towards her. When I noticed how sober she became as a result of that, I hit d nail on the head not with a hammer, but with my sugar coated mouth...
I expected her to play hard to get as women are wont to...she didn't for reasons best unknown to me...

Tope could only ask if I were sure about what i was saying...I, fully prepared with words spelt how sure I was to her in several sentences... this got to her.
Finally she made a request!!!! what a request!!!!

Coincidentally, I wooed Tope on valentines day, and that till today i still find as the best justification for her request.
She had requested that i send a Valentine's text message to her..Guys, when desperate can go any extent to prove their self worthy of a girl's love. Mine was actually different, I didn't send her any message...my reason for this is not far-etched, immediately I saw signs of acceptance from my conversation with her, I realized that, in my heart, there was no atom of feeling for her, not to talk of love. I therefore concluded that It'll be wrong to lead her on....if there were one thing I was so blessed with by the Creator, it's my conscience... my conscience is my personal police, it arrests me even when I'm right in a wrong way.

My defiance to her request I felt, will make her conclude that I was unserious, this I felt will naturally lead to her refusal. On that day, she inadvertently proved to me that the female homo -sapien is more emotional than logical.

She did the calling throughout the spell of what she felt as a relationship, I, on my part was on d run from my conscience, I didn't make promises, I didn't give her hope, I didn't lead her on.... neither did I break it off, for I was afraid of breaking a heart...with this my conscience tempered justice with mercy - for it only subjected me to occasional feeling of guilt.
During this period, there was a day she asked whether or not I'll forget her should my admission become a reality.... I simply told her time will tell... indeed!!! time actually told....

Time, the worst enemy of man... brings our fears closer to our face by each passing second!!!

5 COMMON BELIEFS AMONG NIGERIANS.

5 common beliefs among Nigerians.

This article is not meant to dispute or ridicule the following beliefs, it is just an observation about some commonly held beliefs among Nigerians.

1. 1.EVERYBODY IS CORRUPT.

2.      Most Nigerians tend to hold the view that corruption is in-born in every Nigerian. This is why many blatantly disagree to see anyone as a saint even without concrete evidence that such a person is corrupt. Majority of Nigerians also tend to justify official corruption by asking ‘if na you, you no go chop your own?’

2. FINANCIAL SUCCESS IS ONLY POSSIBLE WITH DISHONESTY.

This is another funny opinion held by many Nigerians, we tend to agree that outstanding financial success is impossible unless and until ingredients of dishonesty and illegality is employed in it’s preparation. This is one of so many reasons at one point in time or the other, accusing fingers have been pointed at popular successful Nigerians, even when the sources of income for such individual are open for all and sundry to see. Dangote, Femi Otedola , the late M.K.O Abiola and a host of others are victims of this belief.

3.‘CONNECTIONS’ ARE THE MOTHERS OF CARRIER SUCCESS.

Most Nigerians tend to posit that if you don’t have ‘long-legs’, you just might not get anywhere no matter how many ‘papers’ are in your folder. Many job seekers believe that they can never get a job unless and until they are connected to influential individuals within their carrier circle, in fact many job seekers prefer seeking connections than jobs. Same goes for students contractors, technicians and so on. One absurd question many people ask about the choice of a university applicant is : ‘do you have someone there?’. While this belief may be empirical on many occasions, some organizations still have transparency which beats this theory ‘hands down’.

4.THERE ARE THREE SOURCES OF FAST MONEY.

This particular belief is almost unanimously held by Nigerians. The society itself is a living witness to this as the populations of footballers and musicians among the youths is astounding, and will be more flabbergasting should a proper count be conducted. It is worthy of note, that one of the first owners of private jet in Nigeria is a footballer, this can pass for one among the many reasons for the rise of footballing as future ambition of many youths. A careful observer of talent hunt shows in Nigeria will agree the population of Musicians is almost equal to the population of music fans. The recently concluded MTN project fame serves as a successful case study. My university alone boasts of not less than 100 musicians who only see education as a second choice, need I add that almost every street in Lagos state has a musician? If you doubt this kindly attend one or two street Jamz in the month of December. When I paid a visit to the area where I grew up in 2011. I was surprised that 5 out of my 8 childhood friends were already full-time musicians, talent? right?

As for politics, we all know the story…

5. PRAYER SOLVES ALL PROBLEMS.

Many Nigerians would readily advice you to pray over anything. from the most complicated problems to the minutest of problems.little wonder why religious organizations have been converted into money spinning ventures over the years. Even Tai Solarin, a pioneer atheist in Nigeria when quizzed about the failure of the 'people's bank' in  the early 90s had to acknowledge that 'only God knows why'. In recent times, countless religious organizations and even the Government has sponsored several prayer sessions in a bid to stamp out corruption from the country, but a million-dollar question is left unanswered 'was corruption created by God?'