As time went by, Funke became a synonym for Wasak on the part of my friends,many called me Mr. Funke. I spent a lot of time composing poems, and various text messages which I sent to her every day. It was over a month since she accepted me into her life, yet for all my efforts to make her happy I never got a word of appreciation from her, the best I got was ‘ok’. It wasn’t as if I was worried about that, but my friends wouldn’t let me be, they insisted that she was taking me for a ride , and I was doing the needful stepping up her game.
I was deaf to any negative statement about my relationship with Funke. This almost led to a fallout between me and my friends but for maturity. It was just over a month into the new semester and I was already broke. My account was credited every month, but that was not enough to salvage the situation, I already spent the money before I got it. During the first month of the second semester, I was always buying card calling Funke, I even changed my Sim in order to be on the same network with her, it was cheaper, but I called more. I never allowed her to spend a dime on me, whenever she called, I’d reject her call , and call her back, I wasn’t trying to impress her, but I was a lover boy…a passionate one at that…
When I got broke, I started borrowing to keep my game steady, I didn’t borrow money, I borrowed cards, for all I needed that time was recharge card to call Funke- the love of my life and I spent an average of 400 naira daily on cards. I was comfortable with drinking garri 3 times a day and 5 days a week save for the little days I was lucky. I hardly bought foodstuffs throughout the semester . The only times I ate something different from garri and eba was whenever I ate in my friends’ rooms or when Mt’s girl cooked for us, in the meantime, my friends gave up on me and accepted the fact that I wouldn’t yield to tales of their experiences from past relationship, I was really happy about this for it helped me stay focused…not on my studies..but on my relationship.
In the beginning of the third month of the semester, the results of the previous semester were pasted on notice boards across the school. The result was a disappointment to science students, more than half of the whole population of science students in the school had carry over in a single course –maths 1301…on my part, I was lucky enough to be among the few who led my department and the results of my pals weren’t bad either.
After lectures on that day, I rushed to the hostel and dialed Funke’s line to break the good news to her…little did I know that my happiness was only momentary and would be cut short by FUNKE!!!
Me; ‘good afternoon sweetheart’
Funke ; ‘good afternoon’
Me; ‘guess what’
Funke;‘what’
Me ; ‘our first semester results were released this morning and I did well’
Funke; ‘ehen!! And what’s my business with that’
That had been the opening of the conversation between myself and Funke, immediately she asked what her concern was with my result, my jaw dropped, my mouths were wide agape with no sound coming out of it. Her words stung my heart like the bite of a bee.
I quickly apologized to avoid infuriating her majesty further, a part of me was thankful that I was making the call in seclusion, had my friends been present, the story could have been different. She told me my apology would only be accepted on one condition.
The condition was that I memorize wizkid’s song , her favorite song actually and sing it to her on that night. I was stunned when I heard her, what a weird order, but I was ready to do anything as long as it would appease my princess. I asked whether I should play it to her hearing, she objected to my suggestion and insisted I carry out her request or rather her order.
Memorizing ‘love my baby’ wasn’t a problem, although I had never listened to any of Wizkid’s song prior to her request, I felt I could meet her demand. The problem actually was that I had a text the next day, how was I to cope with her order and my test !!! ‘how’ I wondered .
After some minutes of reflection, i dashed out to Id's room. When i got there I collected his phone and searched for 'love my baby' by Wizkid, lo and behold I couldn't find it there. Throughout my stay in his room, he kept asking what my mission was
How could I have told him Funke ordered me to memorize a song ?
I dashed out of his room and off i went to Ykay's room (another course-mate of mine). I asked whether he had the song on his phone, to which he replied in the affirmative. I opened up to him as to my mission , because unlike Mt and Id ,Ykay was a Jew man like me. After I finished explaining my mission, he shook his head and said 'Wasak , i must tell you the truth, you are mad'
On a normal day, Yk's remark could have infuriated me, but it didn't for i admitted i wad truly mad, not only that, i was fully contented with my madness for it gave me joy.
After sending the song to my phone, i surreptitiously took his Bluetooth headset and ran away from his room (we lived in the same block) .
On my way downstairs to my room, I saw an inscription on the stair case, it must have been written by a student..it read 'WHEN LOVE IS NOT MADNESS, IT IS NOT LOVE AT,ALL'
I smiled after reading it and nodded in agreement.
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